30 Days to a Better Wife

Being a better wife is something I have to remind myself of often.  In a way being a mother is something that comes naturally for me.  Not meaning that I consider myself an above-average mom that knows exactly what I’m doing (because most of the time I have no clue what I’m doing), but natural as in my motherly instincts seemed to have come with the birth of my first child.  I naturally want to do all that I can to bring about her health and well-being.  I naturally hurt when she hurts.  And I naturally try to do little things throughout the day to bring that smile that I love so much.  There are also those times that I just happen to know that she is hurting and what is causing it.  The connection I have experienced in being a mother has been an incredible experience.

Confession time:  Being a wife does not come as naturally for me.  You might have guessed that from previous posts.  It takes more of an intentional effort to make sure that I am also loving and serving my husband and taking care of his needs as well.  It’s not natural for me to wait at the door with my apron on and Pinterest-worthy dish in hand waiting to greet him with a hug and kiss.  Heck…it’s a good day when I actually prepare a lunch for him to take to work.  Sadly, there are too many days that I exhaust all my energy on my toddler that by the time he gets home all he is greeted by is “tired wife,” “grumpy wife,” or “please take our toddler from my arms wife.”  There have been too many nights that I have gone to bed with the thought, “Dang it.  I need to be a better wife.”

I guess that’s just one of the problems that comes with “marrying up.”

Anyway…this last month of pregnancy I have tried really hard to focus on being a better wife.  I know well enough from the last time I had a newborn that it can be hard on both of us as we tend to forget about each other and focus all our energy on the new little human bundle.

DISCLAIMER:  Due to recent comments, I feel I should clarify:  This is something that I personally had fun with because I have a husband that helps out and does a lot for me.  I felt like I hadn’t focused on him as much during my pregnancy and wanted to think of little things I could do so that he knew how much I appreciate him.  He would still be the great husband he is even if I did not do all these things.  This post is in no way expressing the view that men are “above” women, or that relationships are one-sided.  Obviously it takes two to make a happy and successful relationship.  This post does not include ways husbands can serve there wives because the majority of my readers are women.

Here are some habits I have tried to work on (and am still trying to incorporate):

30 days to a better wife

How to Be a Better Wife: 30 Day Challenge

This post should really be titled, “How to Be a Better Spouse,” since most of these principles work both ways, but since the majority of my readers are female, we are just going to stick with the “Better Wife” title.



style="display:inline-block;width:336px;height:280px"
data-ad-client="ca-pub-6181272075405713"
data-ad-slot="3449867815">


I’ve broken these down into weeks to make it a monthly focus and help generate some ideas, but obviously you don’t want this to feel like a “checklist.”  Just work on different principles as they fit into each week.

WEEK ONE:  BE INTERESTED IN WHAT HE LOVES TO DO

  • Watch Sports with him.  My husband is obsessed with soccer.  It doesn’t interest me as much, but I have shown more interest and attended games with him, even when my pregnant body tells me that I do not want to stand through another soccer game.  Surprisingly, I have started to enjoy soccer a lot more and I really do enjoy that time with him.
  • Ask him about his day/work.  Show interest in what he does everyday.
  • Give him time to unwind.  I’ve heard that men need 20-30 minutes when they first get home to just relax and transition from work to home.  This is not the time for us wives to dump all of our frustrations on our husbands (something I’m still working on :)).  Depending on your husband, this may not even be the time to talk about his day.

WEEK TWO:  SERVE HIM IN A WAY THAT HE LOVES

  • Respect him.  Ask for his advice.  Let him be a leader.  Men like to know that they are valued and they love to fix things, so let him know you value what he has to offer.
  • Offer to help him.  Find a way to work by his side at something you normally wouldn’t.  I think my husband would fall over dead if I offered to help him with the yard work.  Unfortunately this is hard to do unless our toddler has gone to bed already, but once I’ve recovered from this upcoming birth I plan to find ways to help out.
  • Know his love language.  My husband particularly feels loved by letters/words.  One day this last month I sent an email to him at work praising him for the man that he is and letting him know how much I love him.  Sadly, I did this a lot more when we were dating and first married.  It’s time to kick things up a notch!
  • Point out his strengths.  Point out specific examples and ways that he influences others lives.  I notice all the time how well my husband interacts with teenagers and those he teaches.  The youth just love him.  Sometimes we notice things but never make them vocal.  It’s good to know that your spouse sees your talents.
  • Be his sexy wife!  This is currently one of the hardest since being in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy feels as close to sexy as stretch marks, gas, and heartburn feel to beauty.  As tempting as it might be to stay in your sweats all day skip out on the mascara, don’t do it.  Men are visual.  And getting yourself ready for the day isn’t just for your husband.  There is a confidence and motivation  that comes to us as women when we get ready for the day and make ourselves presentable.  Love your body and take care of it.  I know personally that when I am eating right and exercising, I am also positively affected emotionally and mentally–not just physically.

WEEK THREE: PRAY

  • Nothing seems to help me be a better wife more than prayer.  If I struggle with patience or kindness, then I pray specifically to be more patient or kind.  I’ve noticed that when I am truly sincere in my prayers, added strength truly does come.
  • Pray in your husband’s behalf.  Pray for his happiness.  Pray for his strength.  Pray to be inspired to the best ways to love him.  Here is a cute printable bookmark with 10 ways to pray for your husband.

WEEK FOUR:  BE LOVEABLE

  • Try and remind him of the lovely girl that he married.  Sometimes something comes out of my mouth and I think to myself “I would have never said that when we were dating.”  My husband most likely married me because he thought I was kind, caring, and maybe even insightful or inspiring at times.  I often need to remind myself to be the girl that he fell in love with.  Sometimes this means less sarcasm and more kindness.
  • Be happy.  It’s hard not to be happy yourself when you are around someone who radiates a happy and cheerful heart.  Be positive and focus on the things you are blessed with.  If you are particularly annoyed with your husband, focus on the things you love about him.  This doesn’t mean you ignore issues that come up, but if you address them with respect, success will be much more easily achieved.
  • Let go of expectations.  No one likes doing something for another person when they are expected to do it.  When I was first married, my husband always did the dishes after dinner.  The first few times that he went to bed without doing them I remember being shocked.  Slowly over time he didn’t do them every night like he used to.  I remember questioning the change and he let me know that he didn’t enjoy doing it when I expected it of him rather than appreciating the service.  OUCH.  As women especially, we can do better at appreciating more and expecting less.
  • Avoid criticism and let things go.  This was mentioned in a previous post on fighting in marriage.  Marriages that survive and thrive have a ratio of 5 to 1 when it comes to positive experiences.  Make sure that you are praising and adoring at least 5 times as much as you are complaining or bringing up concerns.

WEEK FIVE:  Be unpredictable and find ways to surprise him

  • Since there aren’t a full 5 weeks in a month, spend a few specific days being a better wife by randomly surprising your husband with something special. You are the one to know what this would be.  Take him back to the days that you dated and remind him why it all started.  Be his best friend and create some fantastic memories.
  • Have fun and make memories.  Sometimes it’s hard to get out of the house for an “official” date when you have kids, but do it as often as you can.  If it’s hard to get out, read my post on ideas for fun and affordable dates at home.

I’ve noticed a great bonus to working on being a better wife:  My husband naturally reciprocates and does kind things in return!  As I increase in kindness and respect, so does he…which only makes me want to keep trying!

Speaking of marriage, I saw this the other day and thought it was pretty funny…

What are your Favorite Ways to Serve your Husband?

Digiprove sealCopyright protected by Digiprove © 2013 Kristina Manscill

A HUGE thank you to those of you that shop through our occasional affiliate links that appear on Mother's Niche!  It is of no extra cost to you, and I notice and appreciate it each time that it happens (really).  Because of you, I might be able to avoid having to cloth diaper my babies, wash and recycle my zip lock baggies, and maybe one day in the future we will be able to afford a lawn mower.  A girl can dream, right?  See my disclosure policy for more info.  Love you all!

Comments

  1. says

    Thanks for this. I was inspired and just wrote my husband an encouraging e-mail at work. I really understand how you feel, that being mom comes so much more naturally to me than being wife. This was such an inspiration, to do what I can, when I can.

  2. Maigan says

    I’m going to try this!We also have a toddler and I am 18 weeks pregnant with crazy hormones. My husband has loved baseball all his life and has recently joined a baseball team on Sundays I complained of course thinking how this would affect me when I should be more supportive, reading this has really made me think about the wife iv become and the wife I want to be… So thank you !

    • says

      Maigan, thanks for stopping by! I hope you have fun with this! Just remember we are also good at being hard on ourselves. I’m sure you are an amazing wife, although pregnancy seems to do a good job of making us feel otherwise ;) good luck with the baby, and congrats!

  3. Cass says

    Why is there always “better wife” articles or “wife 101″ and “Serving your husband!” articles? Where are the “Better husband” posts? I’m married, and have been for quite awhile, and it takes two to make the effort for a better marriage. Its not just on the wife’s shoulders. The husband should want to help out and take the baby at the end of the day, and love you no matter what you wear. Honor you every day for just who you are and what you do. I would NEVER say i serve my husband. He is not above me. We’re a team. I expect him to pitch in and realize family is a unit with two equal partners. Not a head and a servant.

    • says

      I agree with you completely Cass! I don’t “serve” my husband, we serve each other! My “30 days to a better wife” is simply my effort to try and catch up with the great husband and father that he is. He’s very good at taking his turn with the kids, and helping around the house, and making trips to the grocery store. I would never suggest that one is greater than the other and I also believe that it takes both partners actively participating to make marriage happy and enjoyable. The reason you see so many articles about being a good wife rather than the other way around is probably because there are a lot of “mommy bloggers” out there. I apologize that you misunderstood the intent of this post, I do not for a second believe that men are “above” us as women and feel that viewpoint is wrong!

    • says

      I agree with Cass. Also, why should women alone appreciate more and expect less? I think we must hold our husbands to that same standard. This list makes it sound like they have a right to expect more from us as their wives. If a wife stopped fulfilling a task because she no longer felt appreciated for it, nothing would get done. Like, EVER. So if I’m going to work on being his sexy, appreciative wife, he should work on being my sexy, appreciative husband. We should honor, encourage, and appreciate each other regardless. Relationships are made up of all kinds of personalities and temperaments so I guess you just need to find what works for you. Though I do think most women are already doing the very best they can! :)

      • says

        I disagree that all woman are doing the best they can in this area just as much as I would disagree all men are living up to expectation. Each situation is different and comparing your marriage with mine, or anyone else’s is what leads to problems. Is your husband not helping around the house or not showing you affection? This would not mean that the house next to you has the same issue. In fact, it might be the man in that house isn’t getting what he expects from his wife in that situation. Each marriage is different and no article is 100% accurate for all marriages. You take away from an article what you need rather than trying to apply it all to your situation. I am a stay at home dad who does 80% of the housework and is the one tired when my wife comes home. There are not too many articles that I can take away everything they are telling me but in reversing the logic I find I learn a lot about both myself and the role I am filling. I will say that as a husband staying at home I do expect more from my wife emotionally and physically. It is a thought process that I try to come to grips with as the expectations tend to be unfair to her. She is working too and I need to remind myself of that at times. Marriage is a constant work in progress and really to be successful both parties just have to keep trying.

    • Jill says

      However, the Bible clearly states the man is the head of the household. He is to be the spiritual, financial and emotional leader of the marriage. Remember woman was made from Adams ribs. What is the job of the rib? To protect the heart. Thus it is the woman’s job to protect the heart of the husband. With this being said, it is not meant to be for the wife to be a doormat. My husband and I are equal partners and we serve each other as we serve Jesus.

      • says

        Yes the rib protect the heart but if we are the rib that protects the mans heart who is protecting ours? Yes the man is intended to be the head of the house hold but I think the meaning of that is the protector and provider though in 2013 most women do that them selves. I for one do not need a man to protect me or to provide for me but I do let my husband think I do to boost hi ego a bit. It gives him gratification to think that I need him to protect me and to provide for me so I play me strengths down at times.

    • Christy says

      “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” There are times in any marriage when things get out of balance, and everyone seems to be out for themselves. To turn that around I truly suggest you try some of these suggestions without expectations. In time it sucks because your husband may not even notice. If you stay patient, and consistent at putting his needs first (or at LEAST as important as yours) i believe you will see a change in your husband. There are multiple books on marriage to support this theory available in any book store you walk into. I think Tina hit it head-on when she mentioned the part about the husband’s expectations about doing the dishes. If you do things for a week or two and there is no change if you blow up and say ‘I’ve been doing this, this, and this for two weeks and you haven’t even noticed’… well, that defeats the purpose. Work on being a better wife, and with time he should take notice and be inspired by you and work on being a better husband.

      These are just my thoughts and experiences in my marriage and working with multiple groups of couples throughout the years to help guide them in different aspects of their lives. Please do not take this as a personal attack, I just have seen this model work over and over. It will go back to being out of balance soon after someone starts putting their needs first again, and this is why it’s a constant thing to do and keep in check – not just a check list. The books ‘The Love Dare’ and ‘The Five Love Languages’ would be great places to start if you need it (I’m fond of the Love Dare, because it has intentional things to do daily, It’s all about what you can do to change your marriage).

    • elizabeth says

      I agree, Cas. This is exactly what I think when I see these articles float across pinterest. The reason there are so many of these, and not many “better husband” articles is because the majority of men don’t think to write them, read them, pin them, or share them. It bothers me that all these women are sitting at home guiltily reading this and vowing to do better when they’re most likely already doing the majority of the emotional work in their homes, trying so hard to make sure their spouse is happy and their marriages stay together, while the husbands are completely oblivious that their wives care so much, or that their wives are are really the reason their marriage is still alive and well. I’m just saying. It seems like it’s the nature of women to feel like they can be doing more and to blame themselves when things aren’t what they could be. I love my husband and I do try to be aware of his needs. We work things out through communication and I know that if there’s a problem, he will tell me. I acknowledge that I initiate much of the change and bettering of our relationship, and I don’t feel like I need to read something like this to do a better job… And why in the world can’t this article be named “30 days to a better Spouse?” I think more people would benefit and appreciate it if it was written to all married people.

  4. Andra says

    I just stumbled onto your post, and I am truly grateful for your reminder. I too “married up” and have a wonderful thoughtful husband who does all he can to fulfill his role as a father, husband and patriarch in our home. Your list gives me ideas on how I can be more creative in SHOWING how much I appreciate what he does. He is showing me how much he appreciates my efforts when he jumps in to help after a long day of work and school, and this is the least I can do for the man who makes our whole world go round.

  5. Diana Johnson says

    I saw this on my pinterest page and let me tell you how grateful I am to have pinned it! EVERY marriage needs work and some tender love and care, this blog helped me see a little clearer. Thank you so much for you insight, after reading this I have incorporated it into my own marriage and it has changed my life!! You are so right we do serve each other and we need to remember why we fell in love. There are way too many people who claim ” Well, we just fell out of love!” I think its bull, If everyone man and women read this page and then did it, holy cow there would be a lot more happy marriages and less divorces. Thank you so much, I truly am so grateful for you.

    • says

      Wow, thank you so much Diana! Blogging puts me in what feels like a vulnerable position sometimes when I do more personal posts because I never know what kind of response I will get. Thanks, I’m so glad you found it useful :)

      • Jennifer B. says

        Hi Tina! Thank you for your transparency. Please be encouraged by the women who gave you positive feedback because we can all love better regardless of what our husbands are like. My husband does a lot for our family. He is the most incredible man I’ve ever met but he tells me a lot of who he is comes from my cheering him on. I always need a lot of help but we can help them be the men God created them to be by supporting and SERVING (I’m not afraid of that word) I enjoyed your post and will be trying to be more intentional about this

  6. Amy says

    Giving service to another is not the same as being a servant. Why are people always so willing to show kindness and charity to others outside of the home, but when it comes to our family, it is classified as “work”…like we are slaves? Whenever I have stepped it up and given service to my husband, I have found that my efforts are reciprocated. He steps it up…which is really hard for me because I too married a man who gives and gives! Unfortunately, there are just some men (and women) who only focus on their own needs. I made the mistake of marrying one the first time around. Regardless of any effort on the man’s part, giving is an attribute of a fulfilling life. If you’re doing it just to get something in return, you’ll never be satisfied!

  7. Nancy Miller says

    Thank you! It good to be reminded of loving our husbands in physical ways not just thinking it or saying it.
    I shared the video with my husband and friends a week or so ago. My husband used it on me … He said “It’s not about the Nail” … I hadn’t realized that I always try to suggest ways to resolve his problems. He just wanted me to listen. … A bit of role reversal here … It was an OUCH! Bc I’m usually saying I just want you to listen. Thanks again.

  8. Christy says

    You basically described my marriage (minus the kid part). My husband is generous, thoughtful, and kind. Me… not so much. He has made me want to be a better person, and I have come a long way. Your post made me realize that I still have progress to be made, and I appreciate the suggestions!

  9. Lana says

    Wow, I find it to be a privilege to serve my husband! He’s a hard working man who takes care of me and of our children, I love him with all my heart and was made to be his help meet….He is a wonderful husband and thanks for these new ideas to incorporate into my life so that I can try to show him just how special he is to me!

  10. Melanie says

    Great ideas. We have to remember, our family begins when we say “I do,” not when we hear “PUSH!” Our first call is to our husbands, not to our children. Kids are a close second, but we are first commanded to cleave to our husbands and they to us. Common sensibly: from the time our kids are born, our goal is to successfully rear them TO LEAVE US and cleave to their own spouses–and my husband is who is by my side, not my kids. Also, if you tend to your marriage consistently, when rough times come up (and they will), it is that much easier to fight for and struggle through so you come out on the other side in tact and with a stronger bond. 3rd reason (and this is a biggie for us moms): our kids benefit ENORMOUSLY from seeing a loving, respectful, balanced partnership from their parents and they then search for their future spouse based on the example we set. Therefore, first cultivate your marriage relationship.

    Again great ideas, and things I’ve really focused on over the last 2 years of my 18 year relationship with my husband (and we still have 8 years before our oldest leaves for college). It’s never too early–or too late– to start this!

    • says

      Melanie,
      Thanks for your comment. I couldn’t agree more about putting the spouse above the kids. There are so many studies to support this. Kids flourish when they know mom and dad are committed to each other first.

  11. Betsy says

    This year was my husband’s 30th birthday, and it wasn’t something he was looking forward to. Instead of one big gift, I decided to plan something for every month! Just before the new year, I bought 12 greeting cards — including a birthday card, Christmas and anniversary card. The rest were either blank, funny or romantic. Along with the card with a monthly note, he also gets a number-themed gift: January was volume “1″ of a graphic novel series, February was “2″ tickets to Disney (free, because a friend hooked us up with tix!) March was “3″ scratch off lotto tickets, April was “4″Rivers (a bbq place here), May was “5″ car washes, and June was “6-pack” of beer from another state that isn’t available here. (I planned all of the numbers ahead of time, and wrote them down on tiny slips of paper and put them in the numbered envelopes, so I wouldn’t forget!)

    The thing that surprises me most about this project is not just the look of sheer delight on my husband’s face when he sees his next card– he gets giddy and so happy with whatever it is! Instead, it was the way that it connected us even more, on a deeper level. Each of the gifts is about HIM and HIS interests, not mine. Just the little bit of planning ahead has meant so much to him– he keeps every single card in our bedroom in a row. It’s also been great because I choose different times of the month to surprise him, so I can time it for when he especially needs a reminder of how much I love him.

    Even though I bought all the cards ahead of time, I don’t write in them until I’m ready to give it to him. That way, each note is unique and thoughtful, and I write about a different aspect of our relationship based on recent events. The look in his eyes says it all.

    Again, it takes planning ahead, but it is SO worth it. I recommend it for any special anniversary year or birthday!

    • says

      Betsy! This is such a fun idea. I did something similar, but I had a gift for each “hour” on his birthday. I think I like your plan better.

  12. Marissa says

    I love this! For all the women complaining about this post, you need to understand that the person you need to start with is yourself. There is nothing wrong with trying to be the best wife that you can be for your husband. How selfish of you for saying that your husband needs help also. Start with yourself and he will probably follow on his own without you needing to nag to him that you are “equal partners”. Love is selfless. Maybe try a little more giving and a little less getting.

  13. Kristi says

    I really enjoyed this read. I am a 45-year-old newlywed with a teenage son and a special needs daughter. My husband is wonderful, but I sure came with a handful. I learned a lot in my first marriage (of 18 years). Why anyone would not want to serve their husband is beyond me. We serve others at school, work, strangers, etc. every day through little acts of kindness. We should put our family above all others, starting with our spouse. Thank you for this reminder. My husband love me and makes me feel cherished. I need to remind myself that I should make him feel cherished always, even if he is having a not so cherishing day. lol.

    I’m sorry, Tina, that you have received any criticism over what you have written. It’s not about changing others, it’s about being a better you. I think some people are threatened by self examination.

    Congratulations on your expanding family!

  14. says

    I’m definitely bad about handing over the toddler when hubby gets home, when I’m sure all he wants to do is shower and rest for a few minutes. I’m going to try this, because he does all of these things for me! Thanks! That video was hilarious by the way!

    • says

      I hear ya Stephanie! And even though I know he deserves some “wind down” time, I still have days when the toddler gets thrown his way the moment he walks in the door. Luckily, he’s pretty good about it ;)

  15. Jodi says

    Fabulous advice! I think women sometimes spend too much time and energy concentrating on what their partner should be doing for them….when in all reality, when we do a few simple things for our husbands, they jump up to give us what we need. It took me entirely too long to figure this out! Set the selfishness aside, and invest a little time and love in your husband and reap the rewards.

  16. angela kirkland says

    Thank you! My husband tells me all the time lately that I’m no fun and not the carefree girl he fell in love with. I thought he was exaggerating but after reading your post… sadly I know now he is right. But I feel better about it knowing its not just me!

  17. egee says

    For those that ask, “why do I have to be a better wife” or “take wife 101″ all I have to say to that is one of my favorite quotes. .. “Be the Change you want to See in the World” or Even better lead by example… Put out positive energy and maybe you’ll get some in return and if you don’t at least you know you tried. .

    • Cass says

      That is true. But I’m not trying to change the world. I’m working on having a happy marriage. And to me equality is everything, in every aspect of my life.Why would i want to be married to someone who didn’t try and share an equal workload? When i could be married to someone who saw me as a partner, not someone who should be trying in every way possible to make HIS life easier. I love my husband, and he is excellent at making sure I don’t take on to much and i do the same for him. I feel like alot of old fashioned gender roles are still in affect and that is just not for me or my marriage. If i work a full time job, as does my husband, why would it be expected for the wife to cook? We alternate, or cook together. I know alot of people in my life think this is odd.To me, anything less would be unacceptable. For us, this works. We are very open minded people :)

      • says

        Ladies! Thank you all for your responses! And Cass, what’s important is you are doing what works for the two of you. All of us have different marriages and different things that make us happy. I’m glad so many of you have found this post helpful and I hope you have fun with it, that’s what it’s for!

        • Jennifer says

          Tina,

          Thanks so much for your “Post” and for all your replays. You truly seem like a professional and selfless woman. I loved this list and I am always looking for ways to be the best wife for my husband because I love him and I want to. I want to make him happy and that makes me happy.

          Know so many women got so much from this post. :)

  18. April says

    Great read! I never realized that it was natural to be a mom vs a wife.
    Everyday, almost, for three years now I text my husband a little i love you or I am proud of you because text, he says he really enjoys them.
    We have been married three months and I am learning it’s the little things.

  19. Krystal says

    Thanks for this post, it’s a great reminder that you have to put out what you’d like to receive back. It’s really easy to fall into a habit of criticizing & expectations being too high & these tips are great ways to be more thoughtful & caring.

  20. says

    I love this! Thanks for sharing! Hope you can ignore any negative-ish comments. This is wonderful and so are you! Thanks for helping us all by giving us reminders and examples on how we can be great wives (& mothers for that matter!) Big hugs from NY!

  21. Amy says

    This is such a great post! It takes two to make a relationship work and I feel like sometimes we use the “I’ve been running after the kids all day” excuse to shut down once they go to bed. While it’s not all up to us, we need to do our part to work on our marriage too! It won’t be too long down the road that our kids are off into the world to live their own lives and then where will we be? We have to keep things going all of the time and remember why we got married in the first place! Thanks again!

  22. jessica says

    I don’t recall reading anything about being a servant or slave, and certainly not about being beneath your husban. This post points out ways to be a best friend, which is what a healthy marriage should be.

    What a healthy reminder!

    • Diana says

      I agree I don’t recall reading anything that would make me feel less equal etc … Just great reminder, love it!
      Reading other comments worries me about families and I can see why divorce rate is getting higher or in general people make choice to just move in and live together!!! We made a long and happy way with my husband with 6 kids all married and great families and only prays Lord for that… With some of this tips ;)

  23. Happy to love my husband better says

    I am so sad u had to explain yourself!! I love your post and love that your heart is to strive to pursue even more happiness in your marriage!!! I’m getting tired of hearing about this whole fight to prove we as women are equal!! If we believed it, we wouldn’t have to be insecure and things like this wouldn’t bother us!!!

  24. says

    I just happened onto this a little later in the game than many of your commenters… reading what they have to say, I think it boils down to the difference between being used and being useful. Used conjures up all these negative images and feels powerless while useful is positive and satisfying and powerful and desirable. Yet, it’s hard to define just what the difference is except for the attitude you bring to it. In doing the very same acts you can be used or useful or sometimes both at the same time. I wrote a blog post about that awhile back with some real life examples if you want to hop over and see what I had to say about it: http://kathyburton.blogspot.com/2012/12/doors.html

  25. says

    I begrudgingly read this post just now. I know I need to work harder in our marriage! But after putting everything I have into raising our two kids and taking care of the house just to end the day with bedtime tantrums and sticky floors, the last thing I want to do is give more of myself to anyone! Arg! Anyway, thanks for the tips. Maybe I can swallow my pride a little and apply a couple of these.

  26. Mandy says

    I am just recently engaged, but your list is still very helpful for those of us trying to be proactive! Especially with the added stress of planning a wedding, it’s easy sometimes to make sure I am still showing my fiance that I love and appreciate him! Thank you for your great ideas :)

  27. Angie says

    Awesome article & sorry you’re getting negative comments! I agree with everything you’ve said! My husband is naturally a “giver” & I need to really work on being a better wife. It doesn’t come naturally to me either. Thanks for the reminder!

    • says

      Thank you Angie! It’s okay, you learn quickly as a blogger that there will always be people that disagree with you. I appreciate everyone’s honesty, and if this post is helpful for even one person, I’m happy :)

      • Jes says

        I think this was a awesome article the beginning of it made me tear up because that is exactly how I have been feeling!!!! I think it is always good to work on your marriage and I love people who are willing to throw it out there for the world to see… I love your blog and don’t listen to the negative comments… (I was getting mad sitting here reading them). I also agree with the comment of our husbands before our kids… But in my mind its God who is first and if we don’t put him first then there is no work that we can do for our marriage to get better because I feel without God nothing will work… Well that was my 2-sense… Thanks for blogging :)

  28. Tabitha says

    Whew! I really needed this today!!! Its a Sunday at 4:30am and I’ve just sent my honey off to work for the 7th straight day! He works a lot and normally by the 7th straight day we are both so tired of the routine. Normally other women tell me, “Girl you’re crazy stay in bed!!” This isn’t how I was raised or how I believe! I’m a stay at home mom because it was a choice he and I made as we had our first child that I could give him a better start to his up bringing by being with him instead of a child care provider. We had the opportunity for me to stay home so I am. So, although I could stay in bed I get up EVERY day that he has to work and make him a hot breakfast and prepare his lunch then walk him to the door and tell him good bye! Like I said this morning its just harder on us both with both of us being tired and we have a 10 month old who struggles to stay asleep all night so I’m normally up and down all night. I find myself thinking of him all day and looking for things to do for him, but the end of the week gets rough sometimes lol today this was such a blessing!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH

  29. Jules says

    This post was fabulous!!!! And exactly what I needed to hear :)
    I’ve been married a little over a year and we are expecting our little bundle of joy in January. Life gets so busy…. My mind works in overtime all the time and I find myself not focusing as much on us as I did before the nausea and morning sickness…. Talk about feeling sexy… Not!!!!! And yet my husband has been my super hero through it all!!! Thanks for the positive words and suggestions. What a fabulous way to get refocused!!! Don’t you love when God uses others to help point you back the way you need to be going? I know I do!!!
    Many blessings!!!

    Jules

  30. Rach says

    I like this post. I understand everyone’s relationship is different, but these ideas are great for me at this time. I grew up in a family where my mom “wore the pants” and I learned to be that way. For the past 30 years of my life I was taught to be independent, strong, and be able to do things for myself. Great qualities while going through my 20s. However, since starting a family (my son is 20 months old and we are getting ready to try for baby #2) I learned that I couldn’t a “girl power” attitude while trying to raise a child, work a full time successful job AND be a supportive spouse. My marriage took the backburner after our son was born and sarcasm took the place of compliments. My husband is a fantastic, very hands on, father and a thoughtful husband and I needed to be reminded to reciprocate his actions. Thank you for the tips!

  31. Danielle says

    I just read this post after searching on the internet how to be a better wife. I have only been married for a few months but I want to make sure I start out great and avoid the seeming endless number of divorces my family has been through. Because of this desire, I know I have to change my thinking and realize if I want something I have to make it happen.

    I am appalled by some of the comments here bashing men and saying why shouldnt they change too, etc….ALL OF YOU need to read Dr.Lauras book the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. My husband is a wonderful man who works overtime every week so I do not have to work as I finish my degree. He helps me clean the house whenever I ask, he takes out the trash, kills the spiders, etc. He wants to move mountains for me and in turn, I want to be the kind of wife that he is proud of and happy to come home to every night. I will never have a happy husband or home if I bash him and ask why he doesn’t have to change and why do I have to go out of my way to make him happy etc….That is silly and immature and will surely lead to divorce. But if I make his home his safe place and be his happy wife and best friend, I guarantee that we will both be happier. Doing nice things for others makes me feel good, and if I try to make him feel good, he will reciprocate! People wake up! Yes marriage is a two way street and we are partners, but a crappy attitude about having to serve my husband isnt going to give me a strong happy lasting marriage. Thanks for this great post as I begin learning about marriage and being a wife!

  32. Shannon says

    This is fantastic. That you for sharing. These are all things I have been working on as well and its really nice to see it in an organized thought out manner. So once again thank you for taking the time and making the choice to share

  33. Jessica S. says

    I’m surprised you had to put a disclaimer on this post. Clearly people weren’t reading your whole post where you said you felt you weren’t being the best wife!

    These suggestions are great, and I’m definitely going to keep this post bookmarked because I too, am not the best housewife these days (also 3rd trimester)

    • says

      Thanks Jessica. Good luck with the 3rd trimester, I always suddenly feel like I’m 90 years old those last few weeks as I wobble around! You are almost there! :)

  34. Christina Ventura-DiPersia says

    It always makes me laugh when I see something like this, and it says direct to the woman, “Try to be interested in sports by paying attention, going to games, watching with him, etc.” I was just pleading with my husband last night to take care of our daughter while I participated in a fantasy baseball league draft that we’re doing (90% me, though, since I’m more of the sports nut).

    I don’t think it’s worth it once you are already married to fake something – he knows you, and it’s actually annoying (from a sports fan’s perspective) to have to explain what’s going on or why something is happening to someone while you are watching an important game (unless it’s during commercials, of course). But being cool with him watching it and letting him tell you about the highlights (we all love reliving an awesome game) is definitely a fun thing.

  35. kelly says

    thanks for this. be encouraged to continue this work. sometimes we just need to really think outside of ourselves. if i am willing to do that at work or let someone in line at the store go first, why wouldnt i first choose to bless my husband with that kind of love. it really is a meditation. to think of others and to feel inspired to love selflessly. so thank you. every one has their own opinions and each marriage is different. but this was a lovely article.

  36. says

    Thank you for this article, as new Mom, new blogger, new business owner, and new wife happening all at once I’ve been struggling to be the kind of wife I want to be and my husband really deserves. I hope everything has been going since the baby!

  37. Stephanie says

    Thank you for posting this! I am always looking for ideas to become a better wife for my husband. He is a good Godly man that works hard to provide for his family and he deserves the best. Thank you again and keep up the good work!!

  38. Grace Williams says

    Thanks for these helpful reminders. This is something that I have been working on overall recently. I too have a fabulous, caring and actively involved husband. Looking at things week by week really helps me feel like I can get back to my old self & be the woman I used to be for my husband. Not gonna lie, after 2 little ones, a job change, major financial crunches, major car troubles and more of life’s curve balls I have found the task of focusing on relationships kind of daunting. Appreciate the perspective & tips, looks like a good guide to help me keep it on my mind!

What do you think?