Okay, let's start this out right: Hello my name is Kristina, and I'm in love with my smartphone.
First off, it's not me…its you. I need to breathe. I miss how things used to be. You know, back before you existed. Don't get me wrong, you have great qualities! You've helped get places when I felt lost (literally), you give me FaceTime when I want it, you know my Facebook friends better than my neighbors , you like the same music as me, and most importantly: you let my kids push all of your buttons.
But the truth is….I want to start seeing other people. And not just that…I want to really see them.
It's not that we can't be good together… I think we can. Just not now. I need to figure some things out. Like why I feel the need to check my email 20 times in one day. Before you came around I functioned just fine checking it once. Or why I need to read the News all of a sudden. I get it, it's good to know about current events… But really? Did I really need to read about the fertility doctors who tampered with sperm samples? And I how did I get 40 comments deep into the comment thread about same-sex marriage?
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And here's a real doozy: every time someone sends a group text to ask a simple question or make some type of announcement, somehow it turns into some type of family get-together and we all feel the need to catch up and joke around for the next 30 minutes.
Again, it's not that this is bad… But I have people right in front of me that need my attention. Little cute people who grow up way too fast.
I'll be the first to petition for mom-rights. We deserve a few moments to ourselves every once in a while. It can be quite the boost to laugh-until-I-cry at that ridiculous YouTube video. It can be a breath of fresh air to get that text from my sister. And Pinterest? Don't even get me started on Pinterest. All you Pinterest-haters can go ahead and keep hatin'…..but I for one find it encouraging. I'm now just a little bit more motivated to pretty up my house or make a new meal, thanks to my good pal, Pinterest. But to be perfectly honest…I'm imbalanced.
I need to go back to how things were before you came around. Back before smart phones took us hostage. I don't even have games on my phone anymore, and I'm still so distracted (errr…correction: I might have re-installed Words With Friends).
Your attachment to me just isn't healthy anymore. Remember back in the day when phones used to hang on the wall and we would go off and live our lives, and then come home and call people back when we had time? Flash-forward twenty years: Now we have panic attacks if we run to the grocery store and forget our smartphone.
Well, it's time to do some time travel and live old-fashioned for a little while. Don't worry, I won't hang you on the wall (I don't think my husband would go for that), but I will find a little home for you, and that is where you will stay. From now on, we will only meet up if we have an appointment…which as of right now will be 3 times a day. This is when I will return calls and check mail. For now, you will still ride in the car with me, because to be perfectly honest…I would get lost without your great directions.
But as of today, we're just friends. Besides, I'm married anyway. And I have two beautiful kids. They need me right now.