My name is Caleb and my wife is pregnant… sounds like the beginning of an AA meeting, doesn’t it? When my beautiful wife, Brianne, and I decided to try to get pregnant we had NO idea how hard pregnancy can be, specifically dealing with the morning sickness that pregnancy brings. So, I thought it might be valuable for mothersniche.com readers to hear from a husband’s/partner’s perspective. Before I begin, I just need to say how much I love, respect, and admire my wife. This is our first child and pregnancy and she has and will hold a full-time job through the duration of the pregnancy. I know this isn’t rare per se, there are a lot of moms who do this, but I think it’s amazing considering how sick my wife gets. There are some mornings when I wake up and I look over to see her clutching her stomach with a grimace of sickness. It’s not uncommon while I’m working in the next room (sometimes I work from home) to hear her throw-up one, two, three, or even four times before she heads off to work, but each day regardless of how she feels she peels herself out of bed, dresses, and deals with the sickness through her workday. She is my hero and I love her more than ever for the sacrifice she makes for our family.
Now, I want to focus on how her being sick has effected me as a husband. It has been a change for me. Before we married we dated for a year and half and we were quite active, we would go rock climbing, hiking, running (when I could talk her into it), boating, traveling, and we would even workout together. When we got married we jumped on the pregnancy train quickly. We were married in October and found out we were pregnant in December. When “morning sickness” hit, our active lifestyles came to a halt. Brianne felt so sick that it has been hard for her to be as active as she usually is, which is hard for her, especially considering how much she loves the outdoors. For the past 8 years of my life I have worked out at least 6 times a week, since the pregnancy my workouts have decreased from one a day to one every two weeks. Oh, and, “morning sickness” is a misnomer… her morning sickness lasts all day, although morning and late nights seem to be a little more excruciating. I am not complaining, but I am trying to paint a fair picture because we were pretty naive before we became pregnant.
Although some things have been difficult, I would say the benefits easily outweigh the difficulties, at least for me. Because she has been so sick I have been blessed with opportunities to help more around the house and to serve her directly. I have taken on the brunt of doing the dishes, shopping, cleaning, and cooking and much more. I try to make sure I get the dishes done every night so that she doesn’t have to deal with any smells that are left over. I usually try to call her when I go shopping to find out what sounds good to her. I try to keep our home as clean as possible so that when she is feeling ill and needs to lounge and relax that she can do it without feeling she is in a pig-sty, I think being sick in a clean home is better than being sick in a home that is messy and mentally exhausting to think about. I have become a little bit better cook, although I think I have also resorted to easy cook, easy make meals (I really like Marie Calendar Chicken Pot Pies and frozen pizzas!) because my schedule is so full. Now, I think this quote from Henry Eyring circumscribes really what I am trying to say, “It will take faith and humility to put her interests above your own in the struggles of life. You have the responsibility to provide for and to nurture the family with her while serving others. That can at times consume all the energy and strength you have… If you choose even then to put her happiness above your own, I promise you that your love for her will increase.” Now I know my wife isn’t on her deathbed nor does she have a terminal illness nor is she old and aging, but she is sick and I get to serve her and as I have done so, my love for her has soared. I knew I loved her when I married her, but the last couple of months have been an absolute blessing… my love and admiration for her has grown more than I ever expected. And it helps me make sense of what all the old men would tell me when I married her, “You think you love her now, just wait until you are my age, you’ll love her more than you can even imagine.”
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