My “Never Again” Shopping Trip

I have to put this into writing, because apparently I have amnesia.

Several times I have taken both Offspring #1 and Offspring #2 to the store with me. Each time I vow to never repeat the experience, but somehow I experience complete memory loss. I find myself in the very same situation several weeks later, with the same kids, and the same chaos.

To give you a little idea, here’s what shopping it was like BEFORE we up and decided to add another baby to the picture:

Moment A: My toddler refuses to keep her shoes on. During one shopping trip I didn’t notice one of them missing until checkout. I proceeded to turn around with my cart full of groceries, and retrace my steps until I found it. On another shopping trip I actually found out we had a missing shoe before checkout. And this is why: Over the loud-speaker I hear, “Attention customers, it appears we have a toddler that is missing a shoe. It’s pink, and size 4.” Yup, that would be my toddler.

Moment B: Repeat experience above only with hair accessories. On one experience I noticed her headband was missing on our way to the car. Part of me wanted to just forget about it, but then the Penny Pinching Angel bounced right onto my shoulder and whispered, “You paid $4 for that headband.” So I turned my cart around, retraced my steps, and retrieved said headband.

Moment C: During one shopping trip I checked out with my groceries, but to my horror noticed my money was not there. With absolute embarrassment (and without making eye contact with the shopper behind me), I told the checker “I’ll be right back. It think my toddler lost my money.” Sure enough, just a few isles down were several bills that she had tossed from the cart like confetti (luckily there weren’t many shoppers in the store at that moment).

Okay, so let’s jump forward to today.

Add a 5-month old to the picture.

My toddler sits in the seat of the cart and my baby sits in her car seat in the basket. Do you know what this means? Practically no room for anything besides little humans in my grocery cart. On a separate shopping trip, I actually had one of the clerks ask if they could push my groceries out for me in a separate shopping cart because they had no idea how I was able to maneuver so many items into my cart and around my children.

Okay, we are getting off track here.

So tonight’s shopping trip starts with toddler poking baby’s eyes. She thinks it’s funny. Baby thinks it’s awful and makes sure everyone in the store knows. She looked a little like this:

After we calm down baby (and have a short lecture on the consequences of eye-ball poking), we continue on our way.

Next, my toddler makes a game out of trying to pull items off every display possible and chucking it onto the floor. I try to keep a distance from all displays, but somehow her reach is further than I estimate. As I begin putting a few items in our cart, toddler proceeds to A.) throw it right back out of the cart, or B.) put it in baby’s face.

Both are poor choices.

But somehow I found myself frazzled and unable to think logically, and end up saying things like, “Do you want to go straight to bed?” Even a 2-year old can understand that her chances of ending up in her crib while we are at the store are landing at about zero percent.

To make a long story less long….I began to realize that my chances of thinking through our Halloween costumes was no longer possible amidst the screaming 5-month old and product-chucking 2-year old. I began to just throw shirts and spandex in various sizes into our cart with the thought, “I’ll just return what we aren’t using LATER when I don’t have kids with me.”

Did I mention it was really windy today? I made it to the car only to have the wind wisp my receipt right out of my hands! I was holding a toddler in one arm and groceries in the other, and couldn’t react fast enough to retrieve it. Typically I could care less because I never keep my receipts, but on this particular visit I had purchased more than I planned on actually keeping.

Here’s the best part of the story: We then picked up my husband from work, and I told him of the irony. Only I guess he didn’t think it was funny. He thinks returns are such a hassle, especially without a receipt (true).

Oh yea, and he happens to be very frugal-minded.

So HE DRIVES BACK TO WALMART and we circle the parking lot looking for a stray receipt. This is still so funny to me because when I said it was windy, it was windy. My receipt went hasta la vista. But we searched anyway. And that’s when we saw it: A receipt fluttering off into the distance. So I get out of the car, and like a woman who has clearly lost her marbles, I chase after it.

Yes. I did.

And what’s even funnier is that this adrenaline and excitement come out of nowhere and tell me that this is the funniest thing ever–that over an hour later on a very windy day–I am chasing and retrieving a silly receipt.

In case you’re wondering, I did manage to tackle it down! And in case you’re wondering, it wasn’t ours.

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Tina M

I'm six-foot tall mother of three and I'm enjoying the view! I'm currently fighting a battle with Lyme disease and am determined to come out victorious. I enjoy warm summer rain, peanut butter everything, having dance parties with my husband and kids, natural remedies and healthy living. Most days I'm just looking for another excuse to avoid the piles of laundry.

@MothersNiche

Tina M

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